Thursday, January 26, 2012

tired of love..... actually exhausted.....






yes...






i am still wondering...
and...



i am...


 still sad...







still...











not hoping,
 yet not completely
giving up.....







when it comes to love...

i  struggle...






i thought i knew...






i am unconventional in so many ways...








so...



does that make a difference?
does that change things?






is it true?

what is a soul mate?
and
how do you know?

i am sure we have plenty...
but ....


why were "we"
 so the same
yet, so different?






how were we so wrong?
or were we?


was it me?

was it you?

was it us?

and is it still?

i remember ...

i remember the beginning....


everyone told me that when you fall in love 
you just "KNOW"....


what is there to know?
hadn't i  been "in love"
 before?


haven't i?


but...


i saw the look on your face
 that day...

 it was the 
same look i had on mine...






you have always said
you were in-love with me ...
even 
before you knew me...


and....

 i knew....


 even without knowing you...

i knew ...
 it was me......

then...


you looked at me,
and i looked at you....








and i tried...
and i failed.....

and i loved you....

and you loved me....


and now its over...

and it's your fault...
but...
 actually it's mine....





i am so sorry 
for not doing what i was supposed to do...
and for not doing what i expected of you...

i am so sorry we couldn't be what 
i thought we were...








i am so sorry...


and sad it's over....





today would have been 13 years.....

we made it 12 in a half...









so i remember this...



































5 comments:

Anonymous said...

It breaks my heart that you are hurting so much. I remember when I would pick you up for school and I knew you had been trying then. Dear, dear Havens, you have always had such a kind and loving heart. You are a beautiful person - don't forget it!

Martha

Anonymous said...

Crying not trying.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes there are simply no more words to say Havens. The love never goes away, we just learn to live with the loss. I am sorry you have had to experience it. "We are better for having loved, and lost, than to have never loved at all...."

Cindy said...

Love sucks doesn't it ? It amazes me how much it hurts even with someone. I wonder if we'll ever understand. Havens, I think of you often. Good vibes, Godspeed and my prayers are with you. Cindy

Anonymous said...

True love doesn't break your heart. It doesn't lie or cheat. It doesnt make you doubt yourself.